he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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