just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
