I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
