Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
