Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
