You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
