she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
