my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
