How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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