Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
