What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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