then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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