So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
