i think i have herpe
just one?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
