it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have post one night stand depression
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