sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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