When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
