Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
