she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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