her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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