I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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