totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
