Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
