captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
