OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
