fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
