Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
