Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We had to coat check the pizza.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
