I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
