Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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