just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
