your room smells of hookers.
And success
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
