every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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