Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
