Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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