I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
