yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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