Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
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