summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
