It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
