don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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