Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
