I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
