Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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