Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
