We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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