i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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