it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
