lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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