Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize