I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
