i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
