ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
