I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
