I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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