everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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