my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize