Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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