Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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