Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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