the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
