is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
