there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
