I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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