I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
