took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
