He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
